my heart skipped a beat

i never want to experience the anxiety i felt just a little over an hour ago...

today at work, i got a text message from my roommate saying bailey had fleas. the funny thing is that i had a dream that bailey had fleas so when i woke up this morning, i gave her the medication for the first time. so then after work, i cleaned EVERYTHING!! grace had this carpet cleaner specifically to kill fleas and i washed her bedding, toys, my sheets, and her collar.

while i was cleaning my room, bailey and lily were upstairs playing and i thought they were both tired and were sleeping, so i decided i would get my camera to take some pics if they were cuddling together (since they're usually fighting or playing, it would be a rare moment). when i went upstairs, i just saw lily on the couch. i thought bailey was on the chair, but she wasn't. i called her name...nothing. i went into my roommate's rooms and called her name, looked under the bed, in their closets...still nothing. i ran downstairs, checked my room, the bathroom, my closest, the kitchen...nothing. i went in the backyard and called her name...nothing. i grabbed the treat jar and took it outside with a flashlight and shock it and called her name, looking, searching, hoping...but nothing. at this point, my heart is POUNDING out of my chest, my breathing starts to get short, and i start to panic. where is she? where did she go? when did she get out? WHERE IS SHE???? she has a tendency to jump through the fence into my neighbors back patio, so i thought she was just behind their shed or something. at this point, i call my dad...panic in my voice...desperation in my voice. i go and knock on my neighbor's door to see if i could check their back patio, but no one answers. i decide to check anyway, but still no bailey!! i call my dad again...crying my eyes out, thinking of the worse. i start walking around my street with the flashlight, hearing other dogs bark, thinking she HAS to be with them. my dad tells me to get in my car and drive around...i'm in shock...am i really doing this??? she's only a PUPPY!!! am i that bad of an owner that i lost my dog already. AND SHE DIDN'T HAVE HER COLLAR ON since i washed it because of the fleas. no one would know her name...no one would know how to return her. would someone take her from me?? would someone hit her with their car? sooooo many scenarios were going through my mind. i went back, hoping, praying, she would be at my front door. every time we go for a walk, she's always RUNNING back home, excited to get back, so maybe she would be there, maybe she would come back to me. but nothing. at this point, my dad told me i would need to make posters and hang them around the neighborhood in the morning...i collapsed to the ground at the thought of that...i couldn't do it...not yet...not when she's four months old...i'm not ready for this. just this afternoon, she was asleep on my lap...HOW COULD SHE BE GONE NOW???

i called my friend who lives down the street and asked him to come help me find my dog. while i waited, i called krysten. with tears pouring out and crying hysterically, i told her bailey ran away and i didn't know where she was. i was out by my street, and then all of a sudden, lily comes running out...WITH BAILEY!!!! lily found bailey!!! i don't know where she was or if she came back in the back door and lily brought her to me but there she was. she ran to me, i picked her up and held her as close as the first time i held her in my arms. i didn't want to let her go...never. lily stood at the base of my legs, looking up at me, proud of herself that bailey was back, that she was with me.

she's home...she has her collar on.

i can sleep soundly tonight with her safe...