there have been three instances in the past couple weeks that have reminded me of my troubled past BUT have left me sooooo thankful to be OUT, be SET FREE, be MYSELF!
the first one happened at the gym. i've been told by friends that andrew goes to the same 24 hour fitness that i go to, and i would be lying if it's not in the back of my mind if i'm going to see him or not. one of my friends told me she saw him talking to another girl, a girl she knew, and she felt like she had to go SAVE this girl from him (because most likely he was lusting over her...what he did best at the gym). anyways, i've still never seen him there, but i did see his scumbag of a best friends, spencer there. i wanted to go punch him in the face, or just yell and tell everyone he's probably just as bad as andrew, but i didn't. i just starred at him, made HIM be the one to look away. i saw him at the beginning of my workout, so i DID have a great workout, my head full of steam and anger.
the second instance happened a few days later at chili's. i was enjoying a wonderful happy hour with my coworkers (who all know about andrew and such)...and then i saw HIM...and his FAMILY walk into chili's. my heart sank...why did i have to see him? why did i have to see his family?? i hadn't seen his family since i left last january...and i hadn't seen andrew since june when i filed. i always knew this day would come and i'm soooo thankful i was with people who could support me. when i went to the bathroom, i walked by there table. i made eye contact with andrew and his mom. pam's jaw pretty much hit the table and andrew got this what seemed like hopeful grin on his face. there's so much i wanted to say...to stop and yell at all them. but i kept silent, kept walking...like i didn't even know who they were. it was a very liberating feeling once i left chili's...i felt soooo thankful NOT to be siting at that table with that family...soooo thankful NOT to apart of their family. but i really wish i never had to see them...never had to have a reminder of what i lived through for the 5 years i knew andrew. i feel stronger after seeing them and not breaking down.
finally, the third instance that has brought me back...andrew's pathetic facebook message to people who know me that he was still friends with. i got a text message from my friend one morning during my breakfast break at work. she told me andrew sent her a message explaining he was deleting her as a friend since we've been divorced for a while now, and that he hopes she seeks the Lord the rest of her life...he sent this message at 2am. ugh...WHY???? why not just delete the people?? why do you have to send them some fake message? soooo stupid!!! i talked with my mom about it for a while and it's almost like he wants people to see that everything was MY fault. why would i leave such a godly, christian guy?? why would i give up on a marriage?? why would i be the one to walk away? uhhh..HELLO!!!! just look in the mirror...YOU'RE the reason for all of this!!!
i'm making room on my hard drive by deleting documents, and i'm opening letters he wrote to my mom, and lyrics to songs he wrote for me and they're ALL LIES!!! it makes me soooo sick to think i believed him for sooo long!!
i am soooooo incredibly, unbelievably, overjoyed and happy to be out of his life FOREVER!!!
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