tonight my roommates and i decided to go to church. i hadn't been to church in a while and was looking forward to going and getting reconnected. we decided to go to "the flood" which i've been to a handful of times. it's a good service...great worship and the pastor gives good messages most of the time. we walked in right as worship was starting and we sat to the right side of the auditorium. it wasn't too crowded...there wasn't anyone directly in front of me or in the rows proceeding me. we were all singing, and then i saw, i saw what i think i saw, and then i looked again. it was andrew. i was sure of it. i turned to my roommate and said, "oh my gosh, i can't believe this!!! my ex-husband is right there! (and pointed) AND HE'S WITH A GIRL!!!! does she KNOW that he's a sex addict????" i said all this, out loud, for people around me to hear while we're all singing. i went numb. i've seen him before, but never with a girl, never with his next victim. and here he was, at church, of all places, sooooo typical of andrew and his manipulative ways. i observed his behavior, to see if anything had changed. it hadn't. he wasn't focused, he was looking around, biting his nails, probably lusting after every girl in that place he could see. and there was this poor, naive, girl sitting next to him, unaware of his ability to ruin lives. the lights came on and we were told to greet one another. i turned around to shake the people's hands behind me, and when i turned back around, there he was...i saw his face, and i wanted to throw-up. i saw HER face, the face of the girl i don't even know, but fear for instantly. and then we made eye-contact, for a split-second. he saw ME. he saw that i was there and i hope that sent a shiver down his spine. i started to listen, tried to focus on the sermon, but all i could do is watch what was in front of me. i finally got up and left. i left the darkness. BUT my heart still ached for that girl, a stranger, i felt inclined to protect. i called marc otto, a pastor who helped me through my dark past. i told him i was scared, i was scared that his girl's life would be ruined, just like mine was...i was scared that she would believe his deceptive lies, just like i did...i was scared she was ME 5 years ago. i cried. i didn't want to, but i did. i prayed for her. that she would see him for who he REALLY is...every single part of him...and realize she deserves soooooo much better. AND RUN AWAY!!!! run far far away from that man!! i wish i could go back in time and tell myself to run and not wasted so many years.
i got home and the first thing i did was scoop bailey in my arms and hold her...love her...and feel the unconditional love of this little pup...MY little pup!
i leave tomorrow to meet dickens in hong kong, and then we're going to thailand. what a blessing to have him in my life...to bring my heart so much happiness!! the kind of happiness i've never experienced in a healthy relationship.
i've come a long way from being that innocent, naive, girl tricked into relationship, being used as a cover-up. i'm not going to settle for anything but what's best for me...and i'm not. i'm truly happy!!!
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