getting there...slowly

tuesday night was a REALLY emotional night for me. my brother left to move back to colorado and i moved into an unfamiliar home. on top of that, i went to the storage unit where all my belongings have been locked away for the past year...things that once symbolized "HOME." and now all that "stuff" doesn't matter anymore. i couldn't help but feel alone, homeless...it felt like all the strength that i've shown these past couple months was gone. i cried and cried and felt like all this was too much for me...i don't want to be "strong" anymore...i don't want to live with strangers...i don't want to commute 40 min to work...i just want to LIVE without fear of what will happen in the future.

adam, tara, and krysten have been my backbone through all of this. they listen, they hug me, they comfort me, they know when "important days" are coming and cover me with their love...but now, they seem farther away then ever. i know God has brought reid and jannee (the couple i'm now living with) into my life for a reason, but it doesn't come as easy with them, not yet at least. i'm so thankful for their willingness to open their home to me and for the chance to get to know them, but it's different then being with family.

over the past couple weeks i have slowly began "emancipating" myself from my old life...i have my own phone bill, car insurance, gym membership and today, i got my own storage unit. i feel like when i have all my things in one place, i'll start to feel a little settled. it's a scary feeling to be so independent, but i'm relying on God's guidance to lead me to a place of contentment...of peace...