this morning i made my journey to the courthouse to file divorce papers...i still can't believe my life has come to this point. walking up to the courthouse, i remembered all the anxiety and anticipation of my wedding day...all the little details put into place...all the smiles on everyones face...all the tears of joy shed by loved ones...and now, all the shattered dreams. i see the courthouse as a broken place, but it's also a place for new beginnings. my roommate jannee went with me to make sure i knew where i was going, and honestly, if she wasn't there, i would've lost it...probably completely broken down, curled into the fetal position and lost it right in front of the court clerk. the process didn't take long, but i will remember every little detail...what the clerk was wearing, the people around me waiting in line, me and andrew's names being printed out and stuck on a file folder with what seemed like a red warning sign on the top...that folder is where the files will sit for 6 months...that folder will be proof that this is the choice i have made...to end my marriage. i stood there in silence as the clerk entered everything into the computer, and then she started stamping the documents, sealing them with the court's approval...finalizing the end of this dark, dark chapter in my life. with every stamp, i felt like the air was being sucked out of me...i had to look behind me and look at the clock with a second hand just to make sure time was still moving forward. everything after that seemed like i was on autopilot...asking about the final form i have to file in 6 months (i can just mail it in which is a relief so i don't have to go through this again) and then going to the cashier to make my payment, signing the bill, walking out of the courthouse, breathing in the fresh air, and then convincing myself to start a normal day...like nothing happened.
everything will be completely finalized on DECEMBER 8, 2010 (mark your calenders). that seems sooooo long away right now. so it made me starting thinking what i can compare this waiting period to...jannee and laura are both around 3 months pregnant right now, so i can focus on their babies development for the next 6 months...also, in the same category, the gestation period for a howler monkey is 6 months...in 6 months i WILL get a puppy...in 6 months i WILL legally have my real name back (Lisa Anne Peek)...in 6 months i will still be healing...in 6 months i will PRAISE GOD that this nightmare is OVER!!!
i plan to take this waiting period day by day...each day being thankful for being one day closer. if anyone has suggestions on how to make time go faster, please inform me...
but for now, let the waiting begin...
Dear Lisa,
ReplyDeleteI want to cry but this too will pass. All I can think of (I'll let mom correct the grammar!) is since you have a journey for the next six months, you should get some new shoes for the trip!
See you in about 49 hours!
Love, Dad
LIS!!! MY TWIN! MY OTHER HALF! i'm breaking for you right now. literally crying (good thing it's late and no one's at work). i want to hold on to you right now. let you fall and cry in my arms. i wish i could erase this from all of our minds. i welcome the day when this is just a scar for you. i love you so much! you did not take the easy way out! don't EVER let anyone tell you that! Andrew poisoned your life! we're all so incredibly happy to have you back! i am so proud of you! you are brave! you deserve MUCH better and when that day comes we will all rejoice and you will have the memories you deserve! not the lies that andrew has clouded your head with. i love you.
ReplyDeleteDitto what Krysten said . . . WOW! There's not much more I can say except "to draw near to Him and He will draw near to you". Remember Who you find your identity in and pretty soon that frown will turn upside down(I know it's cheesy). We love you and so do A LOT of other people and I hope you feel the prayers and support on your behalf. Remember to claim Psalm 147:3 which says,"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Let the healing process commence:-)
ReplyDeleteAll my love,
Mom
Your words make me so sad but I am so happy you have chosen God in your life to be with you in the happy times and the sad ones too and I can see that you have the loving amazing support of your family and friends. Hang in there, many of my prayers are for you in this time. As I am working on planning the little details of my wedding day and thinking about my marriage to the love of my life I can't help to think that you were doing the same things not too long ago and that you probably felt the same way then that I do now and it scares me a little bit because I know people change but I feel sure right now that my marriage will work but if you could give any advice, I would really really honor and appreciate it. You are a beautiful person and you have chosen to move on and heal and you will be stronger from this all.
ReplyDelete